Feeling stuck at work?

Do you think it’s tough to tell your boss that you have more on your plate than you can do without feeling like a whiner?  Do you think It’s tough to speak up when your boss overtly or subtly make it clear that he or she does not appreciate your speaking up?

Influencing or motivating upward is a very tough challenge. Here is some advice I learned:

1.       Make it safe.

Start by asking yourself, “Why would a reasonable and rational person like your boss act this way?” Why is he/she not encouraging others to speak up? What would make it safe enough for your boss to have this conversation? Make sure that you clarify Mutual Purpose and are prepared to be very respectful when you bring up the issue. You want to make sure you across as curious and helpful rather than frustrated and judgmental. Also, don’t speculate and focus on the possible negative outcomes. We often exaggerate possible negative consequences and underplay the positives. That strategy causes us to vote for staying silent – thus voting for the status quo.

Before you open your mouth, mastering your clever stories and getting your motives and emotions right. Your boss will sense the clue from your body language before you even start talking. On the other hand, privacy makes the conversation safer. You don’t want an audience. You also want to choose a good time. Find when your boss is more receptive and has fewer work demands or stresses during a day or a week. When you talk, start with an observation and question, not a conclusion and emotion.  In your conversation, you want to honestly and empathically understand the reasons and jointly seek solutions.

2.       Talk about the real issue.

 In tough situations, we are often tempted to bring up a simple, easy topic and not the real one. In this particular case, the easy issue is that you made a suggestion and it wasn’t passed on. The real issue is that your boss has a pattern of not passing on ideas and that means that you and your colleagues face the same problems at work week after week. As part of your preparation, you’ll want to do a consequence search. What are the consequences of the boss’s behavior? Who is being impacted? When you find the consequences, you are prepared to talk about the tougher issue.

What if it doesn’t go well with your boss? There are two possible backup plans you might consider:

• Share your intentions and excuse yourself. Tell your boss that you brought up this topic to improve the results and teamwork in the company and that you didn’t intend to cause him/her any stress. Express thanks for his/her time and find a way to leave.

• Suggest a team approach. If appropriate, you might propose that the improvement   program can be done by members of the team.

For either of these plans, you need to assess what is happening in the moment and what might be the best next step. The point here is that you’ve anticipated some next steps, so when one option ends, you have a way forward. Preparation and sound anticipation improve confidence.

Speaking up to your boss can be tough. Yet I remind you that if you don’t speak up, you are voting for the status quo. Also, if you gossip or speak up in a frustrated, angry or judgmental way, you’ve diminished the relationship. Either way, you have become part of the problem. On the other hand, if you can speak up in a safe, considered and planned way, you are much more likely to solve the problem and build the relationship.